Overcoming One Day At A Time

One of the most complex situations I have been navigating, especially the past few years, is forgiveness. Forgiveness is not an immediate response in most, as truly deep offenses are a process to forgive.  Forgiveness is an action that is so powerful it has the ability to break down fortress walls that people have built up to protect themselves, it's a force so strong it also influences everyone in  the world around us. Forgiving someone is difficult, and sometimes it feels downright impossible. The impossible feeling comes when we don't get that apology. We don't get the acknowledgement that someone has detrimentally affected our life. I've had some of the most atrocious things happen to me by other people. Most never apologized. Each situation changed who I was, and it took a lot of work to get back to being ME. The me after each of these circumstances was forever changed, sometimes wiser, sometimes stronger, sometimes bitter. I'm not perfect. I wont sit here a...

I was contemplating a lot of stressors in our life right now and I had to go in my prayer and praise notebook. I looked back at all the things God has walked us through this year, not even counting the last 2 years plus of event after event after event. After looking back, I cant help but be thankful for all that God has walked us though. A little over a year ago I had been working extremely hard by myself to get my Dad transferred to Va from PA after he had multiple strokes that they attribute to his alcohol use, that left him blind in both eyes and mentally incompetent as well as physically unable to move. It has been one extremely financial strain after another on top of all my daily medical expenses. I've been on Iv treatments, at least 2 days every 3 weeks for almost 6 years, as well as multiple surgeries. I was the sole person doing everything for my father financially and physically. I had to petition for guardianship of him which was a complete nightmare because that ...

I'm laying in bed writing this to you, hoping someone somewhere will realize what a special gift life is. It is a treasure we so often  lose focus of and turn our attention on negative circumstances instead of celebrating the positives in life. Health is one of those things people take for granted until it's threatened or completely stripped from you. For some it happens in the blink of an eye, for others it's gradual, and still others it is the only life they have ever known, fighting since they were little. I love how God made us all unique in our gifts and talents. My weakness is not the same as your weakness and vice versa. This indicates to me that God wants us to be thankful for our strengths, support someone else's strength, and marvel at how He gets us through our weaknesses. For me, I've been fighting for my health for so long, it's all I can remember, and its all my kids know. I couldn't tell you if I ever had a day without being in some kind of p...

We traveled to and from UVA again today. The day started with me spilling coffee all over myself, my sheets, my mattress, and even the dog.... it didnt get much better from there. The circumstances during the day were nothing but stressful and sorrow filled, but I choose to see the things God did do. He did protect us on the road when we should have gotten into multiple accidents. He did get us there on time for my appointment when I really dont know how because we were stuck in so much traffic. He did give me kind Drs and lab techs to be on my medical team. He did give my husband stamina to drive there and back with very little sleep and having to get up at 430am tomorrow. He did give me an amazing friend that made sure my kids were safe and fed when it was going to be longer than we had planned I was confident in their security. So even though, my heart is failing, my lungs are not able to breathe in right, my joint pain is at an all time high,  and I can barely walk or sit up a...

Years ago I asked God what my plan for my life was. I finally graduated with a degree in healthcare management, but I wasnt able to secure a position in my field. a few months before I had graduated I had an abdominal surgery and then got severely sick from my kids right after and ended up getting meningitis. Ive been through the ringer in terms of health battles through the years, Ive seriously had every test and procedure done. It was during  this hospital stay that I had cried out to God numerous times. I almost failed that semester from missing school, my teacher and medical director were not understanding people. I often felt like I wasnt doing what God wanted me to do, I was working, going to school, raising my two girls but I felt like there was more I was missing. Our church opened up a college and asked if anyone who would one day want to go to school there to come down and get prayed over. Before I could argue my feet were down at the altar getting prayed over.  I f...

In 2012,  I had ventured into seeing my THIRD rheumatologist. The first rheumatologist I saw wasn't helpful at all. The second one I LOVED but she was always 2- 3 hours behind no matter what time we went to see her, and she was half an hour away. She had helped me get diagnosed with serum negative rheumatoid arthritis, Sjogren's, and was still poking around to figure out some other things for me.  I was started on Methotrexate shots, which I gave myself at home, to try to prevent further damage. I was also started on plaquenil. In the beginning, I had every side effect known to happen with both of those medications, in 2011 I got to the point I couldn't work any more. The diseases that I had and knew about, as well as the ones yet to be figured out, had wreaked so much havoc on my body I didn't have anything left for my little girls. I had been a very dedicated volunteer at church, I had just finished my Healthcare management degree, going to school full time, on top o...

I said I was going to post every day but I've been so extremely sick, its truly a miracle that I wasn't admitted to the hospital. While fighting multiple illness' this week our area was hit with a huge snow storm.  Having Iv treatments, the flu, side effects on top of all the neuro muscle diseases and other autoimmune diseases, while not being able to leave the bed, and trying to figure out how to take care of your kids. This is how life is with chronic illness battles, you are already fighting everyday then bam, hit with another thing so huge it rocks your world. Being a chronic illness warrior is truly living in a constant state of being "snowed in" to your home. It dawned on me this week as I perused social media how 99.9% of people don't live like this every day. I forget sometimes that life is so free for most people. They can go out when they want, go where they want. They don't have to worry about energy, or a ride, or worry about forgetting where ...

The key to life is not changing for someone to like you, or for God to love you, instead it is changing because God loves . He transforms us from the inside and out. I sit in the hospital infusion center for the 150th something all day long infusion of medication. Yes, over 150 Iv infusions in just the past few years, not including surgeries, hospitalizations, IV antibiotics, fluids, or blood.  I have a nurse I've never had and I'm way past the time I start normally. They are short staffed so I will be here waiting for longer periods of time for her to come reconnect me to new drugs and give me IV push of benadryl every 2 hours to make sure I don't have any more allergic reactions. I ll get 8mg of Zofran every 4 hours to help control nausea. I also get Tylenol and migraine meds to control the debilitating migraines I get from the medication coursing through my veins for days. I still get lots of side effects, from this life saving treatment but the medications help to les...