when you are alone in the journey
The bible says its not good for men to be alone. We NEED fellowship. We NEED a support system and we need each other. What do you do though when you are alone in your valley? Its really hard in this life not to compare. We always hear comparison is the thief of joy, and it is, but how do you not compare? Everything in our lives is comparing. Grocery shopping we compare apples and oranges. Friends, without even thinking compare situations, moms, dads, co workers. We all constantly compare things without even realizing we are doing it. Through the years Ive fought feeling so less than others because Ive walked some of the hardest seasons alone while others had a line of support to help them so they didnt get tired and distraught. When they were depressed they had encouragement and strength from those around them. They had people at their call when they needed help and it wasnt seen as bad. So its hard to watch that and wonder whats wrong with me? Why am I not liked and loved in the same way? How can I change so people will like me so that I do have a loving support system ?
So I sacrificed, and poured out my last energies into others fully believing God to provide the support I so desperately need. I prayed, fasted, cried, suffered, and prayed some more. I asked God why so many times. Why do I have to suffer so much without the love of others when I have done what you asked for years. Ive given of myself time, energy, money etc. Ive loved those that needed it most even during my hardest days, always behind the scenes. Ive never asked for center stage but when Im drowning Lord where are you? I feel forsaken even though you say you will never forsake us. I feel less than, not loved, not worthy for some reason. Why is that?
Why am I not worthy of receiving the same support, encouragement, and love when Im at my lowest? When I have nothing left and no family to fall back on. When I have no where to turn and Im on my knees begging Lord, why have you brought me here? Im tired Lord, Im tired of this pain and chaos. I want you to give me peace. Please Lord fill me with your peace and love. I need to feel you in a new way. I believe in you but I feel like you have left me, my tears are flooding the streets, my crys not heard. I feel like a psalmist crying out to you without reply.
What is the next step Lord? Do I find a new home? Do I deposit somewhere else where I may be loved and seen as the woman that you made me to be? I have so much more to give and offer but Im not given the chance. I need to be healed. I need you to heal me physically so that I dont need to rely on anyone for anything. Why have you not healed me? I hear oh its Gods will for you to be healed...then I think why hasnt he healed me then? Ignorant people will say oh you dont have enough faith, if you only did xyz more then you would be better. Without even knowing half of the story. Yes, God heals, but not everyone, and not all at once. I dont know why He hasnt healed me yet, because I know he can, Ive spoken SO much over the years that you become worn down and tired when it doesnt happen. Its easy for people to believe when they have support and when they are down people fill them back up with words of life, but when you have 0 people in your square and you are drowning with life circumstances then what? When the people you thought loved you leave you when you need them most and they know you are drowning what do you do? When you are taught, oh we are a family...but when it comes down to it you arent IN the family and you dont QUALIFY for help or love then what? What now? I just want to feel like I have friends and family. I want to know God really does fulfill his promises. Im still waiting for years for him to fulfill them. To heal me. To provide. Ive done everything you asked GOd, why have you left me? I have nothing left to give and no one left to rely on.
So I sacrificed, and poured out my last energies into others fully believing God to provide the support I so desperately need. I prayed, fasted, cried, suffered, and prayed some more. I asked God why so many times. Why do I have to suffer so much without the love of others when I have done what you asked for years. Ive given of myself time, energy, money etc. Ive loved those that needed it most even during my hardest days, always behind the scenes. Ive never asked for center stage but when Im drowning Lord where are you? I feel forsaken even though you say you will never forsake us. I feel less than, not loved, not worthy for some reason. Why is that?
Why am I not worthy of receiving the same support, encouragement, and love when Im at my lowest? When I have nothing left and no family to fall back on. When I have no where to turn and Im on my knees begging Lord, why have you brought me here? Im tired Lord, Im tired of this pain and chaos. I want you to give me peace. Please Lord fill me with your peace and love. I need to feel you in a new way. I believe in you but I feel like you have left me, my tears are flooding the streets, my crys not heard. I feel like a psalmist crying out to you without reply.
What is the next step Lord? Do I find a new home? Do I deposit somewhere else where I may be loved and seen as the woman that you made me to be? I have so much more to give and offer but Im not given the chance. I need to be healed. I need you to heal me physically so that I dont need to rely on anyone for anything. Why have you not healed me? I hear oh its Gods will for you to be healed...then I think why hasnt he healed me then? Ignorant people will say oh you dont have enough faith, if you only did xyz more then you would be better. Without even knowing half of the story. Yes, God heals, but not everyone, and not all at once. I dont know why He hasnt healed me yet, because I know he can, Ive spoken SO much over the years that you become worn down and tired when it doesnt happen. Its easy for people to believe when they have support and when they are down people fill them back up with words of life, but when you have 0 people in your square and you are drowning with life circumstances then what? When the people you thought loved you leave you when you need them most and they know you are drowning what do you do? When you are taught, oh we are a family...but when it comes down to it you arent IN the family and you dont QUALIFY for help or love then what? What now? I just want to feel like I have friends and family. I want to know God really does fulfill his promises. Im still waiting for years for him to fulfill them. To heal me. To provide. Ive done everything you asked GOd, why have you left me? I have nothing left to give and no one left to rely on.
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