Orig Written 2014
I'm having one of those days where I just long so hard to be healed and free of this pain for me and my family I would do anything to have this life be something of the past. I tell each joint over and over to work as they were made. As I sat here crying I heard " You are my daughter and you are a warrior. I made you for so much more than this". I don't FEEL like a warrior today. As I look at my calendar full of penciled in appointments, lab draws, treatments, and future surgery I ask Him, "when is it going to be over? Is my life always going to be like this? I've been doing this for years and there's more complications everyday. I'm tired of fighting". Being told that if the worst happens the people you trust most will not be there for support or help is heartbreaking.
"Christina, I felt He whispered, you are a warrior and not a worrier. Do not worry about the future or you will destroy your present. Choose to be a WARRIOR instead of a worrier even when you don't feel it." I will remind you (and me) that we need to be Warriors in whatever battles lye ahead. A warrior is a person who shows or has shown great vigor, courage in the face of adversity. If I chose to worry about all of my health challenges and the possibilities of dropping dead at any moment because of my heart, or the number of other serious battles I face everyday then I would make myself insane. Its the negative that feeds the worry and we have to choose daily, sometimes more than daily, hourly, to see the blessings in circumstances that leave us fighting to breathe.
Dont let the enemy steal your joy. I will never pretend that I am better than anyone or my relationship with God or anyone is perfect. Too many "Christians" think that they are better than other people. They have this holier than thou attitude. Too many people have this misconception that if your sick then its in your head and you have sin that's not dealt with. That just isn't the case with most people. I was dealt faulty genes. I always took care of myself, I ate right, ran, drank water, took vitamins, did everything "healthy". Sometimes it isn't a matter of your mind, but just life. Life happens. Cant judge people for what you don't understand. If you find yourself thinking that way then pray for that person. The truth is we all fall short in different areas of life. I ask why too much and over analyze and sometimes there just isn't an answer as to why people do, say, or think the way they do. I want a very different life than I have. My very difficult journey through health attack after attack has taken so much away . Ive been rejected a lot in my life but this past year when things were the hardest for us is when we saw the most rejection. It has molded us to be who we are and directed us to the one and only who never leaves you nor forsakes you!
In December (2013) I felt so blessed to have people from my moms group there for us. This year when things got to the bottom God has sent a few people at times when only He would know to bless us. It really gave me that hope I needed to keep going when I met yet another complication in my story. I have been able to use my journey to give others hope, because if God can use me to help others then I'm the first one to jump on board! One specific thing I've learned in this journey is we all learn, grow, in different ways. It doesn't mean that someone is above or below you, there is no scale in heaven. God loves us all the same and when you finally get that you don't worry about what other people think. Our happiness is based on the words of truth not our circumstances. So choose to be a warrior and keep fighting because He says you are precious in my sight. (Isaiah 43:4)
Joshua 1:9 “ …Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”
Psalms 18:31-36 For who is God, but the LORD? And who is a rock, except our God?—the God who equipped me with strength and made my way blameless. He made my feet like the feet of a deer and set me secure on the heights. He trains my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand supported me, and your gentleness made me great. You gave a wide place for my steps under me, and my feet did not slip.
I'm having one of those days where I just long so hard to be healed and free of this pain for me and my family I would do anything to have this life be something of the past. I tell each joint over and over to work as they were made. As I sat here crying I heard " You are my daughter and you are a warrior. I made you for so much more than this". I don't FEEL like a warrior today. As I look at my calendar full of penciled in appointments, lab draws, treatments, and future surgery I ask Him, "when is it going to be over? Is my life always going to be like this? I've been doing this for years and there's more complications everyday. I'm tired of fighting". Being told that if the worst happens the people you trust most will not be there for support or help is heartbreaking.
"Christina, I felt He whispered, you are a warrior and not a worrier. Do not worry about the future or you will destroy your present. Choose to be a WARRIOR instead of a worrier even when you don't feel it." I will remind you (and me) that we need to be Warriors in whatever battles lye ahead. A warrior is a person who shows or has shown great vigor, courage in the face of adversity. If I chose to worry about all of my health challenges and the possibilities of dropping dead at any moment because of my heart, or the number of other serious battles I face everyday then I would make myself insane. Its the negative that feeds the worry and we have to choose daily, sometimes more than daily, hourly, to see the blessings in circumstances that leave us fighting to breathe.
Dont let the enemy steal your joy. I will never pretend that I am better than anyone or my relationship with God or anyone is perfect. Too many "Christians" think that they are better than other people. They have this holier than thou attitude. Too many people have this misconception that if your sick then its in your head and you have sin that's not dealt with. That just isn't the case with most people. I was dealt faulty genes. I always took care of myself, I ate right, ran, drank water, took vitamins, did everything "healthy". Sometimes it isn't a matter of your mind, but just life. Life happens. Cant judge people for what you don't understand. If you find yourself thinking that way then pray for that person. The truth is we all fall short in different areas of life. I ask why too much and over analyze and sometimes there just isn't an answer as to why people do, say, or think the way they do. I want a very different life than I have. My very difficult journey through health attack after attack has taken so much away . Ive been rejected a lot in my life but this past year when things were the hardest for us is when we saw the most rejection. It has molded us to be who we are and directed us to the one and only who never leaves you nor forsakes you!
In December (2013) I felt so blessed to have people from my moms group there for us. This year when things got to the bottom God has sent a few people at times when only He would know to bless us. It really gave me that hope I needed to keep going when I met yet another complication in my story. I have been able to use my journey to give others hope, because if God can use me to help others then I'm the first one to jump on board! One specific thing I've learned in this journey is we all learn, grow, in different ways. It doesn't mean that someone is above or below you, there is no scale in heaven. God loves us all the same and when you finally get that you don't worry about what other people think. Our happiness is based on the words of truth not our circumstances. So choose to be a warrior and keep fighting because He says you are precious in my sight. (Isaiah 43:4)
Joshua 1:9 “ …Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”
Psalms 18:31-36 For who is God, but the LORD? And who is a rock, except our God?—the God who equipped me with strength and made my way blameless. He made my feet like the feet of a deer and set me secure on the heights. He trains my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand supported me, and your gentleness made me great. You gave a wide place for my steps under me, and my feet did not slip.
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