My superheroes

Halloween recently passed, during which I had been admitted in the hospital once again. This, unfortunately, has happened a lot more than I would ever thought it would but it reminded me of my favorite superheroes ....  Last year I was in the hospital at Christmas, both their birthdays and countless holidays, Easter, 4th of July were also days included in the all you can drink IV spa through the years. I have been fighting some kind of health battle since both my children were born. 2013-2014 I spent at least 5 days out of every month admitted in the hospital, and 2015 I spent most of January and Februrary fighting death's door in the hospital after severe complications from serious surgeries. The past 3 years my conditions got more and more serious and prognosis hasnt been favorable a lot of times. We dont listen to stats or any of that because only God knows how much time we have on this earth, no sense worrying about what little or how much time we have. My girls have been strong because they have had to be, but  It was most evident to me how strong my girls were 3-4 months ago. My mother went to be with Jesus unexpectantly 3 months ago August 7/8th. It had been years since we had been able to visit, in fact we had planned on doing whatever necessary this Christmas to spend some time with her because we never spent a holiday with her, unfortunately that will not happen.With the passing of my mother the girls anxiety about me dying has increased a lot, but we pray fear away, we pray for peace and hope and look to the past and what we've made it through.

 In June of this year  I had very dangerous infections that spread in my abdomen and I was hospitalized with a lot of complications for 8 days. I could hardly walk and  have no family to help me when I got out. We had to be out of our house that we had for 7 years and with  having very little time on the books I was forced to be the primary packer and handler of moving along with my 2 young girls. We didn't know where we  were going  to go because house after house was falling through, so we had to put stuff in storage and keep pressing into faith that God was going to make a way. God gave me supernatural strength and sent a couple angels to help me. I would pray with the girls every night about what their hopes and dreams were in this new season and despite being very upset that we had to move out of the only house they ever knew we knew God was going to provide what we needed,. He did in fact provide a handicap friendly one story place to rent and he even blessed us with the yard for the girls to play with, a bus stop at our house, and while this house has had trial after trial with things breaking, flooding, rodents etc. we are so thankful to have a roof over our head. I watched both my girls say good bye to their rooms that last day. I said goodbye to the place Riley took her first steps and her best friend that she was best friends since before they could walk. We held each other and sang,  because that's what we girls do. We do sing/dance/worship jams, especially when we don't know what else  to do.  I remember finally breaking down, really breaking down holding Riley remembering her walking and talking for the first time in that very spot and she looked up at me, wiped my tear and told me that it was going to be ok, and I needed to sing to her. So I did, I sang to her the song that I also sang to my mother, " You are my sunshine"... its echoing in the videos because the house is empty.

My song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KB7P11Vja3Q
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLOV8COYIYs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JibVfeUllGg

My heart ached that she had so much on her plate but she reminded me how much God is not only my strength but also theirs. Both of my girls have a relationship with God and I am so thankful for that. When they have cried and asked why God hasn't healed me we look back at times he has and all of the things He has provided for us. Some days the only positives of the day are that we have a roof and food, but those are two things that we don't take for granted. My life couldn't be farther from the picture that I had dreamed of having but it is the life I have for a such a time as this. The conditions that attack my body have decided to get more angry the past few months and stress is never good on the immune system but I thank God for protecting my children. They are such amazing kids!

A week after we had to hand over our keys to our house I had a very bad terrible feeling something happened with my mom. My intuitions on things are 99% of the time correct. I had been speaking with my aunt and she was worried as well. We went through some heart wrenching moments to have my mom checked on because I just knew she was gone. I knew it the night before in my heart. I just knew. That Monday I had sent out a few texts and emails before deciding it was time to check for sure to find out what my heart had already known. She was gone. I had not cried, really cried for a very long time and I couldn't breathe. I called one of my best friends who came over and she held me. That day had gotten worse and worse with the chaos that transpired after that moment. I remember wrestling with what to tell the girls. Riley is very in tune with feelings she knows when something is wrong even if you tell her everything is fine. So I had to tell them. My mom was single and being the oldest I had to primarily plan the memorial service and figure out all the details of everything. My girls watched me to see how I was going to react and act with the chaos we got thrown into. Barely recovered from hospitalization, barely moved into a house, I had even more on my plate that I had not prepared for, but God was there for. it all

As in every family there is different levels of family not speaking, or havent seen each other in years, and ours is one of the most complex in that area. I thank God for being there for me and keeping me sane during this time. I couldn't sleep even a second for a week. One of the pastors at my local church had sent me some links to a church that seemed very homey in FL. I was then contacted by one of my best friends from childhood who had become an Assembly of God pastor. She said she was flying down to be the pastor for my service. I was so thankful as we collected pictures to do slideshows and I picked music to sing/play. Everything came together beautifully and I believe I honored my mom the best that I possibly could with everything on my plate.Thinking back tonight to those horrid august days I remembered Brianna's dedication, Brianna was on her hands and knees scrubbing the floors, walls, etc. I don't know many 10 year olds that would be able to be in the house where their grandmother died, and have to clean morning til night for 2 weeks sifting through her belongings. Riley being 7 helped me as much as she could emotionally handle. Both of them stood up at the podium but Brianna spoke at my mom's memorial service and wrote her own memoir that she recited  in front of everyone. Both my girls made me more proud that day and still till this day than I ever have been in my life. Their bond has been stretched but grown closer together the past few months.

My children are my superheroes, they are my light, my sunshine when skies are gray and like the song I remember tonight...I will sing to my mother who I know is flying in heaven. I am thankful for another day and night with my children, for their kisses and their hugs. Im so thankful that they get up everyday with a smile and have the biggest hearts for people. I cant help but smile when I see them, knowing they truly are the strongest little girls I have ever met and I get to be their mom!
 This is a clip which includes the girls reading at the memorial.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZPZxWMcGuI&t=787s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0irCN0XqbA&t=11s