Living a life "Snowed In"

I said I was going to post every day but I've been so extremely sick, its truly a miracle that I wasn't admitted to the hospital. While fighting multiple illness' this week our area was hit with a huge snow storm.  Having Iv treatments, the flu, side effects on top of all the neuro muscle diseases and other autoimmune diseases, while not being able to leave the bed, and trying to figure out how to take care of your kids. This is how life is with chronic illness battles, you are already fighting everyday then bam, hit with another thing so huge it rocks your world. Being a chronic illness warrior is truly living in a constant state of being "snowed in" to your home. It dawned on me this week as I perused social media how 99.9% of people don't live like this every day. I forget sometimes that life is so free for most people. They can go out when they want, go where they want. They don't have to worry about energy, or a ride, or worry about forgetting where they are or where they are going.  They very rarely get sick enough to not have the strength to leave the bed and take care of their kids, and most people have help when they do get sick.  I've been watching social media and after being "stuck" in the house  for one or two days most people were putting their white flags up for surrender for someone to save them from their lonely caves, while most do still have their spouse or friends or family with them. People complained and complained about being stuck at home and "alone" and I pondered this week on how different my life is in contrast to this perspective. People claim to not let circumstances define their happiness but they do. How happy would you be if every day you were snowed in? If there was no day in the near future you would be free? According to what Ive witnessed 99.9% of people I know would be miserable and would post every hour about it haha. While Im over here happy that Im physically able to stand outside for a little while my kids play.  Fighting for years to escape the prison of my home I am all too familiar with the longing to be with people but yet being unable to go out. The cabin fever is another level I cant explain unless you've had it for weeks, months, and years. To want to see or speak directly with another adult and have a conversation aside from words typed on  a text or social media. If I were to complain though in this same way, it would be met with a lot of negative comments. I was brought back to the many years of painful heart breaking lonely moments of my life where I was in a constant state of being this alone. For someone like me, I live in this constant agonizing state of wanting to be out of my home, but instead of the snow forcing my door closed its my own body that rebels and keeps me from functionally making it past my threshold, sometimes keeps me bound to the bed for days, weeks, and months. There have been times I haven't seen "friends" for months. Even a year ago I hit this scene again. In these loneliest moments I would cry out to God to heal me and send me people who would understand that I WANT to go to xyz but my body is failing me, not me failing my friends. I've found that most people do not understand and dont take the time or energy to try to understand what its like to be in a constant state of stuck in your home. To be stuck in a body that constantly betrays you, and you wonder when it will change. When will it get better? It is the loneliest part of living with chronic illness and battling for your life, on top of the pain, no energy, and constantly disappointing people, the loneliness of only seeing your Dr when you do get out. Those who have support systems live longer and live healthier than those who do not. It is a proven fact. I have been blessed in the past year or two to have old friends move back into the area and make some incredible new friends. I believe through several treatments and the fact that I have had people visit me, and speak to me, has helped my body be able to go out more. I do not enjoy having these debilitating diseases,but  it has made me a stronger person inside and out. I appreciate even the smallest things so many people take for granted. I refuse to take even one day for granted whether Im stuck in bed or able to go out to eat with my husband. Please do me a favor though, for people who cant drive ,like me, please go to them. Go bring them a coffee, or a card, or just ,be you, with them. Most people who fight their body just want someone who loves them to say, I see you, keep fighting strong warrior. Without judgement, without suggestions of what they could do different. Most of us who have been fighting for years, have more medical knowledge than a lot of healthcare workers. In my case I worked for Sentara for 6 years. I got a degree in healthcare management after nursing school, so I do have a lot more knowledge especially in both holistic and typical conventional treatments, which is one of the reasons why against all odds I am still alive. I hope that after reading this you will check on your neighbors, your elderly, and your sick in your life. Even sending an encouraging text or message does so much for people fighting every day. The battles make us all weary. Imagine living every single day in this constant state of looking out your window wishing you could be FREE from the prison of your home, and your body, and your mind. This is how a lot of chronic illness warriors "live", its not really living. Remember this feeling next time you want to think something negative about someone. Do a good deed today for someone trying to survive while battling daily!   Offer to take kids out, the guilt we have as mothers battling for our kids missing out on so much is so heavy, allowing kids to be kids, relieves so much for a mama fighting! You never know whose life you can change for the better, you may just save them! You may be an answer to someones prayer. To all the chronic illness warrior, find a song to sing! You got this! Im cheering you on! I see you, and believe you, keep on fighting!

 "Some days there won't be a song in your heart. Sing anyway."

-Emory Austin